Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
