She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
