My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
