You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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