So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
