good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize