I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
