Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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