But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
