just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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