he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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