I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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