My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
