So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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