I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
