She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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