Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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