also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
