What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
