I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I want is dick and wine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
