I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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