I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
