I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
