I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
