i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
