I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
