if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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