So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
