soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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