where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
