it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
