someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
