I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
