Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
