I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
