Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I supernannyed him into submission
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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