yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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