so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
