Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
