Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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