i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
