btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
