do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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