Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
