Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
