we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
