idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
