you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
