then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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