where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
