Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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