last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
someone owes me an orgasm
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
