actually, I'm a sock model
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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