I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
