My underwear smells like fireworks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
