I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
