how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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