dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
