Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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