I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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