I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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