Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
