xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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