its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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