last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
